Songs from the Heart Series
by Chaos Goddess
Summary: SLASH Songfic series. It's a little angsty, a little romantic. Set in the future; Harry and Draco are older, and out of school.
1. The Lover After Me

Title: The Lover After Me  
Part: 1/1   
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing and implied slash  
Beta: Veritas - many thanks! :D  
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. If they were, I would have Draco, Harry, Snape and Lucius tied up and ravished on a strict schedule. They belong to JK Rowling and anyone else who has rights. Unfortunately, I have none :( Also, "The Lover After Me" belongs to Savage Garden. My only claim is that my old high school was the archenemy school of their old high school. LOL   
Authors Note: Please send feedback. Please please please! This is my first HP fic! I need to know if I suck, so I don't keep annoying people!

* * *

_Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today   
It's been seven months and counting   
You've moved on   
I still feel exactly the same_

* * *

I feel exhausted as I arrive at the manor. _The manor._ This place has been my home for my whole life, but I can hardly think of it that way now, can I? You made this _our_ home. And _you_ became _my_ home. Not _mine_ anymore though. Even as I think the words, I can feel my mouth twisting into a sneer. I move slowly into my rooms, removing my outer robe. It never fails to make me think of you. Emerald green, like your eyes. The silver serpent cloak pin I wear everyday; not just a reminder of your talent, but a gift from you...at a time when I thought you loved me too. 

_People grow...they change,_ you said. _Feelings change._ I feel a sad sigh dangerously close to being released, and I exhale slowly. _My_ feelings never changed. Not then, and not now. Months later, and everything still reminds me of you.

I try to relax on the lounge as I pour a generous glass of Firewhiskey, desperately needing it after the day I've had. I couldn't escape you. Your photograph was everywhere..._Witch Weekly_, _The Daily Prophet_. It seems everyone wants to know about the Boy Who Lived...and his new lover. No matter where I went, the topic was always you. You and _him_.

I wince slightly at the thought of you and him together, and down the Firewhiskey as fast as I can manage, ignoring the burning in my throat. It's nothing compared to the burning in my eyes.

But a Malfoy never cries. _We are above such things,_ my father would always tell me. _Loathsome git._ It was easy for him. He would never shed a tear, and his heart never hurt...he never loved. He wasn't capable. I'm a very different man than he was, it seems. I may appear to others to be just like him...but you knew different. I showed you the other side. _Only you._

I abandon the empty glass for the near full bottle, and take long steady drinks from it.

I walked a lot today, like we used to. Ridiculous, I know. Very unlike me, I much prefer to Apparate when I'm alone. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

It wasn't. The streets were so cold without you, and only made me feel even more alone.

But then, I _am_ alone, aren't I? I gave you my love...love that you didn't want. And you gave me my _freedom._ I snort. Another action that my father believed unbecoming of a Malfoy, but I can't bring myself to care at the moment. You said you wanted to _free_ me. That I wasn't being fair to myself by being tied to you. That you cared for me...but you didn't love me. Not like I loved you.

I don't think anyone has _ever_ managed to hurt me as much as you did with those few words.

I raise the bottle to my lips, surprised to find it empty. When did that happen? Glancing at the clock, I realize that very little of the night has past, despite my attempts at drowning my pathetic sorrows. I can still see the silver pin you gave me, glinting at me from the mantle, and out of nowhere, I can feel my sadness being taken over by another feeling entirely.

Anger.

Anger at you. And at _him._ I suddenly need to confront both of you. While part of me knows it's a bad idea, that part of me is over-run by my alcohol induced rage. You weren't trying to free me. You wanted your own freedom, you selfish bastard. You made me believe you loved me at your own convenience, but left me when someone better came along. I hate you.

Yet...I love you.

_And you need to know that,_ I decide quickly, and redress.

I Apparate to your front door, since I know you've warded the place so that only those invited may Apparate directly inside.

I only see one light. Your room, I imagine. You've always been a creature of habit. After dinner, you would head directly to bed to read until you were ready. Then you'd _Nox_ the light, and make your move. We would make love...you would be moaning...gasping...calling my name.

Your light goes out, and my heart aches. You haven't changed a bit. I'm standing in front of your door, silently screaming your name, but my voice refuses to cooperate.

And suddenly, I know it's over. I know that right now, you're calling out _his_ name. The name _I_ gave him.

It hurts, Harry. Stealing your love back from me wasn't enough, was it? You had to steal my life, my heart...and my family. My son.

I clench my jaw tightly and push my emotions away, allowing the cold mask I have worn for all but you to slip back into place. I've played the heartbroken fool for far too long. I am Lucius Malfoy, damn it, and _no one_ steals from a Malfoy.

Not even Harry _bloody_ Potter.

* * *

Fin

* * *

_Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today   
It's been seven months and counting   
You've moved on   
I still feel exactly the same   
It's just the that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name   
Like photographs and memories of love   
Steel and granite reminders   
The city calls your name and I can't move on _

_Ever since you've been gone   
The lights go out the same   
The only difference is   
You call another name   
To your love   
To your lover now   
To your love   
The lover after me _

_Am I all alone in the universe?   
There's no love on these streets   
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway   
So this is my new freedom   
It's funny   
I don't remember being chained   
But nothing seems to make sense anymore   
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late _

_Ever since you've been gone   
The lights go out the same   
The only difference is   
You call another name   
To your love   
To your lover now   
To your love   
The lover after me _

_And time goes by so slowly   
The nights are cold and lonely   
I shouldn't be holding on   
But I'm still holding on for you _

_Here I go again   
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today   
But I'm standing at your doorway   
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on _

_Ever since you've been gone   
The lights go out the same   
The only difference is   
You call another name   
To your love   
To your lover now   
To your love   
The lover after me_


	2. You Don't Know What Love Is

Title: You Don't Know What Love Is  
Author: Chaos Goddess  
Part: 1/1  
Sequel: Follows "The Lover After Me," from Harry's POV  
Pairing: H/D H/L  
Rating: PG-13 implied slash  
Beta: Veritas Once again, thank you muchly! :P  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, more's the pity. I just borrow them to play with them, and occasionally give them a proper spanking. They belong to JK Rowling, and anyone else with rights, of which I have none. Of course, I'm insanely jealous that these people can spank them whenever they want. Also, "You Don't Know What Love Is" belongs to Jessica Simpson.  
Author's Notes: If you don't send feedback, I will assume you hate me and wish me to die a slow and painful death. So, please don't hate me. I'm evil, but we evil ones have feelings too.

* * *

_You don't know what love is till you lose it.  
You don't know what you've got till it slips away.  
Leaves you alone in the dark and takes you and tears you apart.  
You don't know what love is till it breaks your heart.  
Till it breaks your heart._

* * *

I never fully understood why Professor Snape would think that "bloody Gryffindor" was an adequate insult. Or why he seemed to believe that the way I handled situations was lacking. After all, it always worked, didn't it? I was brave, I was noble.   
  
I was bloody stupid.   
  
It's obvious now, looking back, that if I had listened to him then, thought things through a little more each time, then maybe I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now; laying on the floor next to my bed. The bed I share with Draco.   
  
I'm not sure where he is right now. He told me, but I can easily admit, at least to myself, that I hadn't been paying attention. The point is, he's not home, and I can't help but be glad of that fact.  
  
Oh, I love him, I truly do. But...  
  
Well...  
  
Here I am, on the floor, cursing my inability to think before I act. There have been many times in the last few months that I have found myself in this very same position...pondering. And yet, this time is different. This time, I _saw _you.  
  
For reasons that I still can't fathom, I needed to see you...even if you refused to speak to me. Last night, you were out late in Diagon Alley, and with a little magical help, I knew you were there.  
  
I'm surprised that you still wear your cloak pin. I never told you, but I had placed a location charm on it. With the life I've had, you can never be too careful. When I ended things between us I couldn't bear to remove it. I thought...  
  
Well, what I thought doesn't matter right now, does it?   
  
The point is that I went to you. I saw you. Beautiful as always. Elegant and aristocratic, despite the rainstorm that had caught everybody off guard.  
  
You didn't see me, though. You were in such a rush to get out of the rain, that you walked right by me.   
  
It hurt.   
  
It was the first time I'd seen you since _that_ night. I wanted to approach you...to beg your forgiveness, but all I could do was stand there, rain pouring over me, washing away the tears that I knew had to be escaping me, despite my unwillingness to shed them.  
  
I guess I wasn't ready to see you again.   
  
Merlin knows I wanted to forget you; to move on. I really and truly tried. But it just seems like I can't stop feeling for you, and falling for you.  
  
I wish I could blame Narcissa. But I can't. It's true, she planted the thoughts, told me you felt trapped, you needed time...needed freedom. That you felt smothered. She told me things that I know now, and probably knew then, to be lies.  
  
Still...I'm the fool who listened. I'm the fool who tried to free you...the fool who told you I didn't love you.   
  
And everyone always said that Gryffindors don't lie.  
  
I guess that was the Slytherin in me.   
  
I was only trying to do what was best for you. What I had come to believe you wanted. I thought that if you truly loved me, you would come back to me. You know what they say. If you love someone, let them go...  
  
I went too far, though. I didn't just free you...I hurt you. Deeply.  
  
I swear I didn't mean to, and I have so much regret....but I _needed_ to do it, and you refused to accept it.  
  
"I won't let you go," you said, "not when I know you still love me."  
  
"I care about you....but I don't love you." The hardest lie I've ever told. Even as I said those words, I was thinking about all the things we had done together. Things no one would ever expect of you...flying in the rain...childish food fights in the kitchen, and in our rooms...making love in a darkened little alley near 'Ollivander's' in the middle of the day, just because we couldn't bear to wait a minute longer.  
  
I think about those things every day. They always felt so right. _Our love_ always felt so right...and now things are so, so wrong. We're both hurting. You may be able to fool the world, Lucius Malfoy, but you don't fool me. I _saw_ you yesterday, and, more importantly, I saw your eyes. You could never hide your feelings from me, could you? And yet I couldn't see how you truly loved me until then.   
  
There's another saying, "You don't know what love is until you lose it." You know, I think that's true in more than one way. I knew I loved you, but just not how deeply I loved you. And I knew you cared for me...but I didn't see that everything you did and everything you said just screamed that you loved me. But last night, I saw that broken look in your eyes. I saw that pain, and I knew I caused it.  
  
I had help, though I didn't know what was really happening at the time.  
  
I never realized what Narcissa was actually like. She had me so fooled. After the two of you reached a "mutual agreement" to remain married in name only, she seemed so happy. She was always so wonderful to me, and I honestly thought she was fine with our relationship. After all, she had her fair share of men warming her bed, and the two of you had never loved each other. You both made it clear that your marriage was arranged and you were never more than friends.   
  
I guess that she never expected you to love someone. She was content to be in your life as your trophy wife and mother of your child, as long as no one else was important to you. As long as no one was threatening her position and social status. Maybe she thought you might divorce her? I don't know...but she must have had her reasons. Not that I care for them. What she said shouldn't have gotten to me. I never should have listened, should never have trusted her...but I did, and that's my own fault.  
  
It's _all _my fault. I left you, hoping you would come back to me...but you didn't, and I tried to move on.   
  
I couldn't. No one I met came close to you. Until...  
  
Until Draco.  
  
Yes, I love him. But not for him. For you. It hurts me that I'm doing this to someone, especially someone I care about. I just can't devote myself to him like he deserves. He's wonderful, but he's not you. And it's killing me.   
  
I wish I could give up my love for you...but I've tried. For months, I've been trying to love him...trying to want him...trying _not_ to imagine that he's you.   
  
I know you can't reason with love. If it were possible, I would love Draco. _Really_ love him, as I love you. As he loves me. But it's not, and I know I'm going to hurt him. I hate myself for it, but I can't stand this any longer.  
  
I Nox the light, and crawl into bed, sighing. If I were still with you, I'd be making my move right about now...sliding my hands over your smooth, warm skin. Or my tongue. Instead, I lay here, aching for your touch.  
  
I pick my wand up from the bedside table, casting the charm to reveal where you are, and I gasp. The words hovering in the air tell me you're here. Outside.  
  
I leap out of bed.   
  
I need you. I need to tell you how I feel...and beg you to love me again. To hell with everything else. None of it matters any more. All that matters is you.  
  
I rush to the front door, not even bothering to Lumos the room, or grab a robe. I need to get to you before you leave again.  
  
I get to the door, and pull it open, but it's too late. The telltale _crack_ of an Apparating wizard has sounded. You've gone.  
  
And I'm alone again.  
  
This time, though, I know that I have to do something. I have to go after you.  
  
Not tonight, but soon.   
  
First, I have to talk to Draco, as much as I wish I could avoid it.   
  
I have to break his heart.

* * *

Fin

* * *

_Last night I saw you as I stood in the rain  
Brought me right back to that feeling again.  
I tried to hide the tears in my eyes  
But you didn't see as you walked on by.  
Tried to forget ya, I tried to move on.  
But the deeper I'm feeling, the harder I fall.  
Nothing else matters at all. Let me tell you.  
  
You don't know what love is till you lose it.  
You don't know what you've got till it slips away.  
Leaves you alone in the dark and takes you and tears you apart.  
You don't know what love is till it breaks your heart.  
Till it breaks your heart.  
  
Sometimes I think back when our love was new.  
The crazy things that we used to do.  
How could love that's so right turn to something so wrong  
Still can't believe that you're really gone.  
Wish I could stop all these thoughts in my head  
Wish I could take back the words that I said  
It's a lesson I'll never forget. Let me tell you.  
  
You don't know what love is till you lose it.  
You don't know what you've got till it slips away.  
Leaves you alone in the dark. Takes you and tears you apart.  
You don't know what love is till it breaks your heart.  
  
Love has no season, no beginning nor end.  
No rhyme or reason, to the way the story ends.  
No way of knowing how a broken heart mends.  
Still we keep fallin', time and time again._

_You don't know what love is till you lose it.  
You don't know what you've got till it slips away.  
Leaves you alone in the dark. Takes you and tears you apart.  
You don't know what love is till it breaks your heart.  
Till it breaks your heart.   
Till it breaks your heart._


	3. Almost Doesn't Count

Title: Almost Doesn't Count  
Author: Chaos Goddess  
Part: 1/1  
Sequel: Follows "The Lover After Me," and "You Don't Know What Love Is," from Draco's POV  
Pairing: H/D H/L  
Rating: PG-13 implied slash  
Beta: Veritas. If I were not already a Goddess, I would swear that she was one. :P  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, it's really rather sad. I just borrow them to fulfill my evil fantasies, but I always return them when I'm done. And they're usually only slightly worse for wear. They belong to JK Rowling, and anyone else with rights, of which I have none. sigh "Almost Doesn't Count," belongs to Brandy.  
Author's Notes: Please feed me. Feedback is the nectar of this particular Goddess. Please don't make me suffer from malnutrition :(

* * *

_Almost made you love me  
Almost mad you cry  
Almost made you happy, baby  
Didn't I didn't I

* * *

_  
I down the last of my scotch quickly, my throat long since numb from the sheer amount of it I have consumed. Drowning my troubles in silence. How very _Malfoy_ of me.   
  
But then, that's all I'm good for, isn't it? Being a Malfoy. Being my _father_.  
  
I guess I'm not really a Malfoy anymore, though. After all, I betrayed my father; my flesh and blood. He must hate me. Hell, I hate _myself._ And you...you just wish I could _be_ him.  
  
You think I don't know how you really feel, Harry? You think I don't know that every time you look at me, you see him?  
  
Well, I do. It's hard not to, when every time your eyes meet mine, your emerald depths sparkle for just a second...then your hurt kicks in.   
  
I wait for the bartender to refill my glass, and wave him away as he yet again asks me if I want to talk about it. _Bloody Muggles and their bloody 'concerned bartender' clichés_, I scoff silently. My mind may be a little fuzzy around the edges, but I still know when I'm being patronized. Dimly, I hear him saying something about calling it a night. I can tell he's worried, so I shoot him a wink and a patented Malfoy smirk.  
  
He looks interested. Too bad that I'm not, but if a little flirting is all it takes to get him off my case and back to pouring my scotch, so be it.  
  
I glance around. I've been in here for a few hours already, but I have to admit, I was a little more focused on whatever liquor I could get my hands on than what the place looked like.  
  
It's not too bad, I suppose, considering it's a Muggle place. I cringe slightly at the thought. It's a _Muggle_ place. I shouldn't even _be_ here, but I didn't want to be recognized, which I definitely would be if I'd gone to a wizard bar.  
  
The mere thought of being recognized turns my stomach. Being recognized leads to being spoken to. Being spoken to leads to speaking back. And then everyone would know.  
  
Really, Harry. Did you think I was _blind_? That I couldn't see that you didn't love me...that you still love him?  
  
I know I'm on borrowed time with you, but I love you, and I hope that one day you'll love me too. But just because I _hope_ something, doesn't mean I'm unrealistic. I know that if you and my father come to your senses about what's happened, I'll lose you.  
  
I'm just not sure yet which is worse: losing you to him, or spending every day looking into your eyes and knowing that you aren't really mine...that it's not really me you see.   
  
Oh, I'm sure you don't do it intentionally. You're far too loyal and too good a person to do that. And I know you care for me. It's not the same, though.  
  
I promise you...if you can just let go of my father, and move on, I can make you happy. But I also know that it's not as easy as that. The kind of love you and my father share won't just go away.   
  
A part of me, the logical part that's presently being mauled by my heart, knows that it's too late for you to let go and move on, that if you haven't done it by now, then it's not going to happen.  
  
Yeah, it's only been a few months, but not to you, I'm sure. In your eyes, I can see it's been forever, and he's still in your heart.   
  
The place I almost was.   
  
Almost, but not quite.   
  
I can't keep doing this to myself. Everyday, you're almost happy to wake up next to me. You're almost happy to be held by me. And you can _almost_ tell me you love me.  
  
I can almost see love in your eyes and hear it in your voice.  
  
And I almost think that you're ready to see me for me...to love me for me.   
  
I can almost believe that you're ready to let me make you happy.  
  
But you aren't.  
  
And almost doesn't count.  
  
I can't deny it. Not anymore.   
  
My whole body is tingling, but whether it's from the alcohol or the knowledge that I'm going to lose the only thing that matters to me, I'm not sure.  
  
I have to do the right thing by all of us. I'm going to go home, right now, and tell you that what we're doing just isn't right for anyone involved. I'm going to let you go back to him, I'm going to move on, and my father will stop hating me. Eventually.   
  
And we'll all be happy.  
  
I only hope I can find someone to love. Someone who won't be in the shadow of what I feel for you, because to be honest, Harry, I know what that's like.  
  
It's pathetic. It's undignified. And it _hurts_.  
  
Or maybe you'll go back to him, and realize that it really was me you wanted all along.   
  
Well, look at that...it's that river in Egypt. Yes, denial rears its ugly head once more.   
  
I think that at this point, I have more luck in hoping that our former Potions Professor will come along on a noble steed to sweep me off my feet and mend my broken heart.  
  
I snort. Yeah, like that will ever happen. Not that it wouldn't be nice. He is rather sexy, after all.  
  
I smile. I guess all hope for me isn't lost, if I can still imagine a dashing older man sweeping me off my feet.  
  
Knowing that doesn't really make the situation we're in much better, though.  
  
I throw some money onto the bar, and give the bartender one last sad smile, before I leave to find an alley I can safely Disapparate from.  
  
I gather my thoughts and Apparate home, secure, yet saddened, in the knowledge of what I'm about to do. Arriving in the bedroom, but finding it empty, I look for you.   
  
There are so many things you don't know -- things I have to tell you.  
  
I have to tell you that I know how you really feel...that you have to leave and find my father...that you love each other far too much to throw it away over this. And that all three of us need to stop hurting each other. And ourselves.  
  
But as I see you, my heart sinks, and my alcohol-induced courage wavers. Your lips part. Words I've been expecting, and dreading, for months spill from them.  
  
"Draco...we have to talk."  
  
I guess you already know.

* * *

Fin

* * *

_Almost made you love me  
Almost made you cry  
Almost made you happy, baby  
Didn't I didn't I  
  
You almost had me thinkin'  
You were turned around  
But everybody knows  
Almost doesn't count  
  
Almost heard you saying  
You were finally free  
What was always missing for you, baby  
You'd found it in me  
But you can't get to heaven  
Half off the ground  
Everybody knows  
Almost doesn't count  
  
I can't keep on lovin' you  
One foot outside the door  
I hear a funny hesitation  
Of a heart that's never really sure  
Can't keep on tryin'  
If you're looking for more  
Than all that I could give you   
That what you came here for  
  
Gonna find me somebody  
Not afraid to let go  
Want a no doubt be there kind of man  
You came real close  
But everytime you built me up  
You only let me down  
And everybody knows  
Almost doesn't count  
  
Maybe you'll be sorry  
Maybe you'll be cold  
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby  
From the cruel cruel world  
Almost convince me  
You're gonna stick around  
But everybody knows  
Almost doesn't count  
  
So maybe I'll be here  
Maybe I'll see ya 'round  
That's the way it goes  
Almost doesn't count_


	4. Only Time Will Tell

Title: Only Time Will Tell  
Author: Chaos Goddess  
Part: 1/1  
Sequel: Fourth in my currently unnamed series. Follows "The Lover After Me," "You Don't Know What Love Is," and "Almost Doesn't Count" from Lucius's POV  
Pairing: H/D H/L  
Rating: PG-13 implied slash  
Beta: Veritas Special Lady :)  
Disclaimer: So very sad that instead of owning them I must resort to sneaking them out of their bedrooms windows late at night, then back in the morning, leaving JKR none the wiser. They belong to JK Rowling, and anyone else with rights, which, of course, excludes me. _sigh_ "Only Time Will Tell" belongs to Nelson.  
Author's Notes: Please feed me. Food keeps me alive :)

* * *

_Hello my friend, it sure has been awhile  
I don't know where the time has gone  
But I've really missed your smile  
It's been too long  
I got so much to say  
That I don't know where to start_

* * *

I Disapparate from Har...no..._Potter's_ apartment, seething. Finding myself once again in my rooms, I scowl. The area is immaculate and the fire is still alight, which means the elves have been here. The empty bottle of Firewhiskey I drank earlier tonight is no longer on the floor, and the glass I had been using has been cleaned and returned to its place in my liquor cabinet.   
  
I stalk over to it and open the doors in search of something strong. I'm beyond mad, but I can feel the telltale pangs of hurt trying to weave their way into my anger. My eyes fall on a bottle that hasn't been touched for months. I'm not one to drink brandy, but it was Harry's....dammit...._Potter's_ favorite.   
  
I snatch the bottle angrily. It's only a quarter full and I know that my pain is going to increase with every mouthful. I don't care if I'm in pain for the moment. I can be cruel, cold, and heartless. I can close myself off, and not care about anyone else. I can have revenge.  
  
Tomorrow.   
  
Tonight I just need to feel it.  
  
I've been ignoring my feelings for months, and look how far it's got me. My father was a fool. Sometimes, we all just need to cry.  
  
Of course, no one else needs to know.  
  
I peel off my clothes, and climb naked into my bed, the silk sheets feel cool against my skin. I've never been one to sleep clothed. Despite knowing that not even the house elves would enter here without permission, I spell the velvet drapes on my four-poster bed closed. There are some things too private for even the light to see. In the darkness, with only the bottle of brandy, my wand, and the memory of emerald eyes as witnesses, I allow my mask to fall, and I cry.  
  
_Malfoy's don't cry._   
  
A Malfoy will do what ever he pleases. I'm the Lord of Malfoy Manor, and I can cry if I damn well want to.   
  
As long as no one sees.  
  
I take a long drink from the bottle. Odd, I don't remember it ever tasting this salty before. Licking my lips, I realize that it's not the brandy that's salty, but my tears. It feels strange to allow myself a weakness that I haven't indulged in since I was a small child. Since before I attended Hogwarts.  
  
I suddenly find myself exhausted. I had a long day at work, and I've had an even longer night. I need to sleep, but I don't want to, because I know that tomorrow I can't be alone with my sadness. When I wake up, I'll be that man they all think I am. And I'll have to be cold. I'll have to hide my pain, and show only my anger at being betrayed by my son.  
  
Sadness is unbecoming of a Malfoy, after all.  
  
I lose myself in my thoughts and continue to drink the rapidly disappearing brandy.  
  
By the time the bottle is empty, my eyes itch and I'm about ready to give into sleep.   
  
Just as my heavy eyelids close, I hear a soft noise. Bloody house elves. Normally I would be angry that one of those annoying creatures entered my bedroom without permission while I'm inside, however, I'm far too tired to _really_ care.  
  
Still, they must be spoken to, else they may repeat such behaviour.  
  
I open the bed curtains. There's no one in the room, and the fire is out. It's only then that I realize how cold it is getting.  
  
"Incendio."   
  
The fire crackles to life once more, and I settle back into a comfortable position. Glancing at the clock with blurred vision, I realize that it is barely past midnight, despite how late it feels. My eyes hurt, I'm exhausted, and all I can think about is a man who is probably too busy with my _son_ to spare me a thought.  
  
I close my eyes, remembering the feel of his silky black hair between my fingers, the touch of soft warm lips against mine. I can _feel_ his tongue explore my mouth. I can _taste _him.  
  
My eyes snap open at the sound of a moan, and I curse the blurriness for disfiguring the image that I realize is above me, slowly moving away.  
  
"Harry?" My normally strong voice is cracking, but my vision, at least, is clearing.  
  
You're here.  
  
I can feel my eyes widening, and I hate that you can make me this weak, this expressive, even after you left me.  
  
I clench my jaw and pull away from you, before speaking.   
  
"You left."  
  
Your face drops, and you nod sadly. But why are _you_ sad? You left _me_. You're with my bloody _son_.  
  
I'm far beyond confused...I can't even think. All I can seem to do is stare into those sparkling eyes of yours. You're speaking to me, but I can barely understand a word you're saying.  
  
"...mistake...regret...never meant to hurt...wanted to free you..."  
  
I can hear your voice, but your words are running together in my mind. They mean nothing, though. All that's important is what I see in your eyes.   
  
There are tears. But there's also love.  
  
It strikes me; that's all I really need. You _do_ love me. You must.   
  
I want to kiss you, but you're still talking, and my eyes are drawn to your soft, pink lips. The way they move has always amazed me.  
  
"...so sorry...love you...wanted you...he was never you...stupid of me...Narcissa-"  
  
"Narcissa?" I can tell I've startled you with my sudden interruption, but that's only fair, since I startled myself too.  
  
I stare at you for a moment before shaking my head. "It's not important. She doesn't matter."  
  
You nod, quietly, and I can still see the nervousness in your eyes. Your hand reaches towards my face, and I feel your thumb against my cheek. It's then I realize that my tears are falling yet again. I should be angry that you've seen me this weak. I should be furious. I'm a Malfoy, for Merlin's sake. But you're as confused and unsure as I am.  
  
You open your mouth, probably to spout some overly-Gryffindor sentiment about my tears, but you stop yourself. I suppose you know me well enough to realize that it wouldn't be appreciated. After a few more moments, you speak again.  
  
"I know that this is all my fault, Luc. But I love you. And I know you still love me. Can you forgive me? Can we try again? Just give me one more chance, I swear, I won't bugger it up!"  
  
Your words this time are slower, clearer. Your voice raises, and I know that your emotions are getting the better of you. You're determined as ever...  
  
_You know I still love you?_ If you were anyone else, I'd be insulted that you presumed to tell me how I feel. But you're you. And you're right.   
  
I watch you intently. You're blushing, but you meet my eyes with yours. You look so determined that I can't help but let a tiny smile grace my lips for just a second, before the reality of what has happened sinks back in. I have to be honest.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Your eyes widen, but I can see understanding in them, too.  
  
"It's hard to trust that you won't walk away again..."  
  
You nod sadly, before replying, "I know I really fucked things up, Luc. But I'm only human, and I made a mistake. I've learned, though. I swear to you, that I won't do anything like this again. You aren't the only one that got hurt in this. I hurt myself too. And Draco."  
  
Hearing my only son's name saddens me. I can't blame him for loving you...it's so easy to do. But it hurts that he betrayed me the way he did. The way you both did. But I don't want to think about that. The past is the past, and I want to move on.  
  
"I want to work beyond this, Harry. With you. But it's going to hurt and it's going to take time. I'm not even sure that I can...but I'm willing to try."  
  
You nod once more. I can see the hope and the understanding written clearly on your face.  
  
"So...where do we go from here?" you ask quietly.  
  
"For now, to sleep." I help you pull off your robe and pants, noticing for the first time that your invisibility cloak is on the floor. You must have dropped it earlier. I give you silent permission to crawl under the covers beside me, and you do so, dressed only in your shirt and boxers.   
  
I shift you until you're curled around me, where you belong.  
  
I meant what I said. I want to try, and it will definitely hurt. But having you here with me, I know that I was wrong about one thing. I _can_ do this.  
  
Will you stand by me the way I need you to? I guess only time will tell.

* * *

Fin

* * *

_Hello my friend, it sure has been awhile  
I don't know where the time has gone  
But I've really missed your smile  
It's been too long  
I got so much to say  
That I don't know where to start  
  
Ever since we went our separate ways  
There's been a big hole in my heart  
(But) as I recall, it was you that said goodbye  
Now you're asking me to give it one more try_

_Well only time will tell  
If you're gonna stand beside me through both heaven and hell  
I wanna know that you're behind me  
But only time will tell  
  
If what we have together's gonna last forever more  
And so my friend, I hope you understand  
It's hard to put my trust in you  
'Cause I'm afraid you'll leave again  
I want to believe, that you've finally seen the light  
That you've missed my love and you want to make it right  
  
But only time will tell  
If you're gonna stand beside me through both heaven and hell  
I wanna know that you're behind me  
But only time will tell  
  
If what we have together's gonna last forever more  
I got no way of knowing  
What the future's gonna bring  
So I'll just listen to my heart  
Cause it's never lied to me  
And what is meant to be  
  
Only time will tell  
If you're gonna stand beside me through both heaven and hell  
I wanna know that you're behind me  
But only time will tell  
  
If what we have together's gonna last forever  
Time will tell  
Do you believe in me  
Time will tell  
If we're gonna be together  
Only time will tell  
I want a love to last forever  
Time will tell  
Only time will tell_


	5. Human

Title: Human  
Author: Chaos Goddess  
Part: 1/1  
Sequel: Fifth in my currently unnamed series. Follows "The Lover After Me," "You Don't Know What Love Is," "Almost Doesn't Count" and "Only Time Will Tell" from Harry's POV  
Pairing: H/L  
Rating: PG-13 implied slash  
Beta: Veritas Thanks for putting up with my recent flooding of fic!   
Disclaimer: I wish they belonged to me. They would be very happy, living in chains and pleasured often. But...they belong to JK Rowling, and any of those evil people that own rights. "Human" belongs to Five  
Author's Notes: Mmm...Feedback...yum :)

* * *

_I'm only human  
Of flesh and blood I'm made  
Ooh human  
Born to make mistakes_

* * *

I sigh sadly, as I leave the living room, my invisibility cloak in hand. Draco really surprised me tonight. I didn't realize that he knew what I was feeling. To be honest, I'm not sure if that makes things easier or harder. It means that I've been hurting him all this time...but it also means that I didn't shock by telling him how I feel. I'm the shocked one.  
  
As soon as I told him that we needed to talk, it became more like,_ he_ needed to talk, and _I_ needed to listen. He told me that I'd been using him. That I needed to go to you, and make amends. That he didn't have to put up with it any more.  
  
That he deserved better than that.  
  
He was right, of course. But then he also said he didn't blame me.   
  
He should.  
  
I hurt him, I hurt you, and I hurt myself._ I_ did. No one else.  
  
I only hope I can fix things.   
  
And that he can find someone to love him. To _really_ love _him_. He deserves it.  
  
I Apparate to the front of the Manor grounds. I'm not sure if you've changed the wards, and I _really_ don't feel like splinching myself. It's still not that late...around midnight, and I'm sure you're still awake.   
  
The gates swing open for me, and I smile, knowing that the house elves must still think of this place as my home. The front door also opens as I reach it, and I see Mixxy, one of the elves that catered to me personally, half hiding behind the door.   
  
I close the door, and kneel beside the nervous creature.  
  
"Mixxy, where is Lucius?"  
  
Her eyes grow wide, and she frowns. "Master Harry, sir, please do not let Master Lucius be upset, sir! Master Lucius is in Master's private rooms, and Mixxy thinks he doesn't wish to be disturbed! Mixxy thinks Master Lucius misses Master Harry, but will be mad at Mixxy if he is bothered, sir!"  
  
I smile sadly. "Don't worry, Mixxy. Let me take care of things, okay?"  
  
She nods quickly and disappears, obviously not wanting to upset you.  
  
I cover myself in my invisibility cloak, and head to your private rooms. Quietly, so as not to draw your attention, I open the door, and slip inside the darkened room, closing it behind me. The drapes are drawn on your bed, and the doors to your liquor cabinet are open. _Typical Malfoy._  
  
I freeze as the drapes open, and I see you glance around the room before spelling the fire alight.  
  
I smile under my cloak, watching the firelight play in your soft silky hair, and I move towards you slowly. You're laying down now, closing your eyes, and I can't help but lean over to kiss you.   
  
I drop my cloak to the floor, and press our lips together, parting them gently, exploring your mouth with my tongue. You taste like brandy, but underneath is that unique flavor that is just you, and I can't help but let out a moan at the taste.  
  
You tense and I pull back as your eyes snap open.  
  
"Harry?" Oh Merlin, I need you.  
  
Your eyes widen, and for a minute, I see the hurt I put you through, but then your jaw tightens, and you pull away from me.  
  
"You left." Those two words tear right through me. You sound so sad. I nod slowly. I'm hurt, but I need you to know how I feel. Part of me wants to run away, but another, bigger, part of me, wants to be heard, needs to apologize, to grovel at your feet and beg for another chance. That part wins.  
  
"Oh, Lucius, I made such a terrible mistake! I don't know what I was thinking," My eyes are locked with your slate gray ones, and I find it hard to find the words to tell you how I feel. I know that everything I'm saying sounds so cliché, but it's the truth... "I regret what I did so much, I swear, it was stupid of me and I never meant to hurt you, I really didn't!"   
  
You seem dazed, and I hope that you're listening to me, and that you understand what I'm trying to say to you. I know that I'm rambling, but I just can't help it. There are tears in my eyes, but I need to get all this out in the open.  
  
"I just wanted to free you, I'd convinced myself that you felt trapped, that you needed and deserved more...that if I let you go, you could be free to decide if you wanted to come back to me."  
  
You lower your eyes, and it hurts, but I need to get through to you. I hope you're listening.  
  
"Oh, Luc, I'm so sorry...so very sorry. I tried to move on, but I couldn't, I still love you! And with the news coming out about Draco and I...I swear, I didn't want him, I wanted you...but I needed comfort, and he was so like you...but it wasn't enough, because he was never you...not really."   
  
You still haven't looked into my eyes. I don't know what to expect of you.  
  
"It was so stupid of me, to listen to what she had to say, to believe all those stories. If only I had more self confidence, or even just thought it through, I would have known that you would have said something yourself if you felt smothered...I would never have listened to Narcissa-"  
  
I'm startled when your eyes snap to meet mine, and you cut off my words immediately.   
  
"Narcissa?"  
  
You look confused for a moment, but then you shake your head, and speak.  
  
"It's not important. She doesn't matter." I don't know how I should feel about that comment. It could mean anything, really. I feel myself nodding, and then I notice it. You have a tear falling down your cheek. I'm so stunned to see you actually crying that I can't stop my hand from moving out to wipe that tear away.   
  
I don't want to see you cry. It hurts. I feel like I've stolen your pride. I'm so sorry, Luc...  
  
I open my mouth to say so, but I close it again, realizing that you'd probably react badly to me mentioning your moment of weakness. But to be honest, I don't think it's weak. I think it's strong.  
  
I take a minute to decide what I want to say before I speak again, and when I do, it's slow, and deliberate. I'm sick of rambling. I just want you to understand.  
  
"I know that this is all my fault, Luc. But I love you. And I know you still love me. Can you forgive me? Can we try again? Just give me one more chance, I swear, I won't bugger it up!"  
  
I can feel you staring at me now, the heat rising in my cheeks. I'm not going to give in, though. I need you to believe me. I raise my eyes to meet yours, with all the determination I can muster, which is a lot, considering what's at stake here.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Your confession hurts me, but I understand. After all, how can you know for sure after what I've done?  
  
"It's hard to trust that you won't walk away again..."  
  
I nod sadly. There's no escaping the truth, and there is no way you could just forgive and forget this easily. You've always had issues with trusting people, and my actions had to have undone all that worked through to get to the point where you trusted me implicitly. I'm not sure what to say, but I know I have to say something.  
  
"I know I really fucked things up, Luc. But I'm only human, and I made a mistake. I've learned, though. I swear to you, that I won't do anything like this again. You aren't the only one that got hurt in this. I hurt myself too. And Draco."  
  
You look so sad, and I curse myself for letting this happen. I hate that I betrayed you like this. I consider saying more, but you speak before I can think of anything.  
  
"I want to work beyond this, Harry. With you. But it's going to hurt and it's going to take time. I'm not even sure that I can...but I'm willing to try."  
  
My heart is leaping inside my chest, but I hold back my excitement, knowing that it won't be that easy to get back to the way we were.  
  
At least now, I have hope.  
  
"So...where do we go from here?" I whisper, unsure of what you want.   
  
"For now, to sleep." You help me undress, until I'm wearing only my shirt and boxers. My hope grows, as you lift the sheets, encouraging me to sleep beside you. I crawl under the covers, my heart warming and relief spreading through me when I realize that we have a really good chance of getting through this, if you're willing to sleep beside me again. That was always a level of intimacy you didn't just throw around.  
  
You shift until we're both comfortable, and I find myself curled around you. Where I belong.   
  
And I realize that this is my second chance.   
  
I promise you, Lucius, I won't hurt you again.  
  
I love you.

* * *

Fin

* * *

_  
Chorus:  
I'm only human  
Of flesh and blood I'm made  
Ooh human  
Born to make mistakes  
  
Hook:  
If 5 boys in the house say it loud  
If 5 boys in the house check it out  
  
Hook  
  
Come on baby dry your eyes  
Wipe your tears  
Never like to see you cry  
Please forgive me  
I wouldn't ever try to hurt you  
I just needed someone to hold me  
To fill the void while you were gone  
To fill this space of emptiness  
  
Chorus  
  
Hook  
  
When I lay upon my bed  
Reminisce then I wish  
That I got you by my side  
With the cherry red kiss  
  
Hit me off, make it soft  
Hold me tight through the night  
You know I'm gonna fight  
Cos the thing we had was right  
  
But if you go all I know  
I can't go a day without you  
Here in my arms  
Hypnotised with your charms  
Now I'm feeling for your baby  
Ain't you hearing the alarms  
  
You can't stop all the love that I got  
Wanna rewind time  
To better days that were hot  
Check it  
  
Bring back the better days for me baby  
You gotta bring em back coz I'm going crazy  
I go insane with your name up in my brain  
Things will never be the same  
You ain't up in my frame  
  
So what you gonna do  
What you gonna say  
Tell me that your gonna push your loving back my way  
  
Chorus  
  
Hook (until fade)_


End file.
